He is Faithful

There have been many a difficult day since T arrived. Adjusting to 3 little ones is far more challenging than I thought and it takes work to take on that adjustment. Considering all of the goals and ambitions I have, it is humbling to remember the call of motherhood which the Lord has gifted me.

But Hannah did not go up, for she said to her husband, “As soon as the child is weaned, I will bring him, so that he may appear in the presence of the LORD  and dwell there forever.” Elkanah her husband said to her, “Do what seems best to   you; wait until you have weaned him; only, may the LORD establish his word.” So the woman remained and nursed her son until she weaned him.   

-1 Samuel 1:22-23

Hannah is always one of the women I return to when I want to focus on my selfish ambitions and worldly desires. Her absolute sacrifice of herself and gratitude for her son is one of the most convicting pieces of Scripture for me as I consider my own parenting.

Children are not a distraction from more important work, they are the most important work. 

-C.S. Lewis 

 In a moment of complete vulnerability and confession, I have to share that - at least once a day - I have to pep talk myself to step away from what I want to be doing (scrolling through a media feed, checking an email, doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, etc.) so that I can train my little ones up in the way they should go.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. 

-Proverbs 22:6

I understand that this is not a promise that my children will be a Christian when they grow up if I do everything right. 1. That's impossible, as it is not my superpower to change the hearts of my children and 2. The Proverbs are general words of wisdom and insight written to guide Solomon's readers, not prophecies. It is a, however, a guide to help me remember that my children will learn how to do life from me and my husband. How we speak to one another and to others is how they will learn to speak. How we address conflict is how they will learn to address conflict. How we patiently (or impatiently) walk alongside them is how they will learn to walk alongside others.

There are many hobbies, service opportunities, jobs, and projects that I want so deeply to engage in. Some of them are absolutely helpful for bringing the children along and teaching them healthy habits, ways to serve others, and opportunities to find balance. Others are not probable and need to be let go of for now, as they require time that needs to be given to the growth of my littles.

I forget that this season is a blessing, the snuggles and kisses and hugs and seeing the growth day by day. I forget that these circumstances are a privilege, being home with them, seeing every little moment, saving myself heartache on dropping them off with other caregivers who don't know every little cry and won't record every moment of laughter. These are the good old days.

We always talk about how "the grass is greener on the other side." What if the grass is just greener where it is watered? Maybe, just maybe, my grass would be greener, my family would thrive, if I took my time and practiced patience in nurturing them and devoting my efforts to teach them and serve them instead of carving out pockets of time for self-service?

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. 

-Psalm 37:4

What if the Lord has greater desires for me to pursue if I would delight in Him, His Word and His calling upon my life - surrendering my worldly passions and trading them for life to its fullest in Him?

I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 

-1John 10:10

 

Anticipation

I want to thank all of you for your prayers and support through this entire journey. Pregnancy has been quite the experience, especially paired with being a newlywed. I am incredibly blessed with a supportive and encouraging husband who loves me and leads me well. We have been overwhelmed with the wonderful church family God has given us and cannot imagine being anywhere else right now. Our family have been amazing through our marital transition and we are both blown away by their generosity. 

With all that being said, I am still a fleshly human being, and it has been a very difficult week as we wait to meet our little girl. PJ and I both came early, so naturally, our families assumed that I, too, would deliver early. I expected myself to be late, but deep down, I have realized I did want her to come early and I hoped to be holding her in my arms already. When my birthday came and went, when the weekend came and went, when my expected due date came and went... I was pretty disappointed.  

The hormones have been taking over my reactions and I have pretty much been at the brink of tears for the past week. I have been tryng so hard to be grateful for the extra time the Lord has given me to spend alone with my husband; to welcome the pregnancy overtime, thanking Him that we are both healthy and there have been no complications; and still working hard to become a better house-wife, finding a routine for myself that will be completely altered once AJ does arrive. 

I have challenged myself to pray through my discouragement, to smile and accept the love coming from our friends and family when they ask me the same questions, to dive deeper into the Word and distract myself until the contractions come, but it has been a difficult week. I have been filled with discouragement and impatience without allowing the Lord to soften my heart and accept that those who are asking the same questions and sending me the same messages are showing their support and wanting to be encouraging. 

Through each time I've sat down to pray, I have confessed my hardened heart and saught out His grace to give to others and the fruit of His Spirit, which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22). Last night, He answered my prayer, and it was as if He flipped a switch. 

PJ and I were reading and I realized that He is granting us more time to prepare, He is giving me people who want to love on us and bless us and do life with us, He is reminding me what we are to be characterized by and what the fellowship of His church is for. I woke up feeling so refreshed. God is so good and I am so grateful to all of you for your prayers! 

I also want to apologize if any of you have felt that I was giving you the cold shoulder or was being rude to you. Thank you for your grace and understanding. 

Love, Jessy :) 

8 Months and Counting

Hello friends! Sorry I have been so sporadic in posting. Schedules and life has been a little hectic. PJ and I have been busy preparing for AJ's arrival. Can you believe that tomorrow is September and she will be here in less than a month, Lord willing?!

PJ's work has still been a little hectic. With his other pharmacist on vacation through next week, they have had a difficult time keeping up the workflow and managing the different floaters who have come in, but my hubby is handling it like a pro, and I am so proud of him. Not too many incidents to speak of, only that it is starting to become second nature for me to encourage him instead of fuel his frustrations and vent with him. It is hard not to be his defender, but there is nothing I can really do besides encourage him in Truth and to cast his cares upon the Lord. It's challenging as a loud, stubborn woman to take a step back and not try to control the difficulties my husband is facing (from 30 miles away), but I'm getting there :)

I want to take this opportunity to thank the amazing women who helped put together both my baby showers to welcome AJ! First, Eileen, I cannot tell you how much it meant that you even wanted to throw one! I felt so loved and encouraged when you told me you really wanted to host one for our church community. Erin, it wouldn't have been possible without all of your hard work on the gorgeous invites and the tasty treats you made for us! And Kathy, I am so amazed at how heavy your desire is to serve, not only me, but the rest of our church community. Thank you all so much for your support.

Second, Mom, there is no way to thank you for all of the ways you have loved and supported me over the years. Your desire to have the friends and family shower be just right was so sweet. Though it had to be so far out to the boonies, it was beautiful and I had so much fun! Pam, your jubilance in helping out and donating your house for us to enjoy our shower was beyond appreciated! Aunt Re, thank you for your help with the cake and sending out invites. Alysha, the games were not as cheesy as they could have been (except the diaper derby :D), good job on picking those out and running them. Love you, cousin!

So many have asked if I have hit my "nesting" period yet. The truth is, mentally, I was waiting for the showers to see what I would even need. On Saturday, when PJ and I finally both arrived home, I was scrubbing down the changing table and prepping AJ's laundry! We went to bed late because I decided that this was the time to get everything ready. Needless to say, we had a long weekend, but it was completely worth it. There is still a mess here to get in order and laundry to finish (my dreaded task), but I'm much more motivated now.

Other ways I have been preparing is just working through my own discipline and consistency. It has been hard for me to keep motivated and keep up with all of the tasks I lay out for myself. Beyond these, I have strong desires to see so many people and have them over for dinner and go out on double dates before our little one arrives, but there doesn't seem to be enough days before that time comes! Please be in prayer for us as we continue to prepare our hearts and minds for the next season. We are both so excited to meet AJ and we cannot wait for you to meet her, too!

With Love,
Jessy