The Earth is the Lord's and the Fulness Thereof

This is a loaded statement from the Psalms (Psalm 24:1). He is the Creator (Genesis 1:1). He has established all things. By His hand, He gives generous gifts (James 1:17). Yet, we live in a world cursed by sin (Genesis 3), one where we are at constant war with our flesh (Romans 7). Where all of our perfect gifts are seen with distorted and sinful vision. His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8), through every trial, we are to find joy (James 1:2-3) - for He is pruning us (John 15:2).

Pruning is an unpleasant business. Since I am not a gardener, I will describe the refining illustration with better communication: When gold is refined, it is tested by fire to cleanse it from all impurities. Because of sin, God's perfect gift of motherhood is cursed by my selfishness and their rebellion. Yet, the Lord allows it, and I am being refined. He is sanctifying me by His Holy Spirit and granting me the privilege of mothering through the fiery trials. Learning to understand what He faces as our Father when we rebel.

I will not share the sins of others (namely, my children), but I will confess my impatience, my temper, my laziness, my distracted heart, and my self-focused goals. Being a mother is challenging, yet it is the calling I have of the Lord to seek His guidance and wisdom as I shepherd them. We have been so grateful for the lessons at small group from Kirk and Chelsea Cameron, The Heart of Family, and the encouragement we have found in our marriage and parenthood. We have been deeply blessed by the practical words of Paul David Tripp, Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles that Can Radically Change Your Family, remembering that we cannot control our children's hearts - only guide their minds.

Putting these things into practice is the work of the Holy Spirit, though, and when I try to do it my my own will and strength, my Heavenly Father reminds me - through my children's Awana verses and prayer - that He is in charge (Awana Cubbie Bear Hug lessons and verse memorizations from Appleseed).

As I was reviewing verses with my kiddos the other night, I reached a point when they simply walked away to go play (between getting ready for bed activities) where I was just too tired to go after them. I continued reviewing the Bible verses out loud, knowing that time spent hiding His Word in my heart is never wasted (2 Timothy 3:16). I said Romans 5:8 aloud, ...while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." I stopped to reflect on this...

While we were still sinners. While we were His enemies. While He knew that I would scream at my children. While He knew that I would selfishly think on my own desires while He asked me to parent these children (His children). While I was still scorning His righteousness out of a desire to serve myself. While He knew that I would fail... He died for me. Christ took nails into His hands and was pierced at His side praying, "Father forgive them..." He suffered that I may bear His righteousness, though I am a wretched sinner...

Of course there was more to these thoughts in the moment, but the point is, He is faithful to remind me of His goodness no matter what I am feeling. These children are His, He has granted me and my husband the privilege of shepherding their hearts as their parents here on earth.

I was reminded recently, also, that when we sin, we not only stop doing what is sinful, we must repent and turn toward obedience. This means turning to something else. When you try to stop a bad habit, you must replace it with a new one. You can replace it with something else bad, or you can replace it with a good one, but it will manifest in replacement. If we are to repent of our sin, we are to replace it with righteousness, we will find His righteousness in His Word.

If I must repent of my impatience and frustration with my children, I must find what His Word says about children and replace my self-focus with aligning my heart with His. One of my favorite passages regarding children is found in Psalm 127:

(3) Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. (4) Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. (5) Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. (ESV)

I plan to meditate and memorize these verses and start here in developing a right perspective of parenthood and children. 

Murphy or Procrastination: Discovering the Difference

If you have followed Dave Ramsey at all, you know that he talks about not buying a house when you are broke because Murphy will inevitably invite himself over and bring his cousins Broke, Desperate and Stupid to stay in your guest bedrooms. Sometimes, though, Murphy comes when you don't own and are just renting - he just comes in different forms.

As soon as we turned around and decided to get Gazelle Intense on our debt, we did our October budget and for the first time ever, Southern California Edison began the Public Safety Power Shutoff program. I won't get into it here, because there are many levels at which their logic and practices make me angry, but to give you a short story, we lost power in 3 spurts for 139 hours during the month of October. It was a great opportunity to purge our fridges and freezers, however, it also led to an increased grocery bill of over $200. There was no way to get around that. We still had to pay our other bills and eat.

We do budget monthly for repairs and maintenance on our vehicles, however, before October, the monies were really just theory and we haven't actually been setting aside that money throughout the year. Well, since we were not diligent up front with the purchase of our van and postponed necessary to-do's, we are stuck with a van that just passed smog, but wouldn't again because of a $1500 catalytic converter replacement. Also, upon the purchase, we were informed that the back tires needed to be replaced (the front we just replaced) and we would require an alignment. The tires needed for our vehicle will run, retail, about $600, and the alignment will cost us about $100. We are looking at a base price of $2,200 to fix our family clunker.

The absolute most we could sell it for, private sale, would be about $2500. If we fix the catalytic converter, we might get about 3K, however, for $1500, we might as well just take the lesson and fix the clunker and move on. I'm grateful that I was able to rearrange the budget to take care of the tires and the mechanic noted that I can get away with the converter for another month, so we made space in the budget next month. First week in December, we will take care of the converter and alignment and hopefully, America's tire will run their Black Friday 10% rebate special on Sunday the 1st.

On another note, Hubby's care needs an oil change as well as a tire rotation. There was a debate as to whether it should affect our budget or if we should just take care of it with the cushion from all of his extra hours - especially since $50/mo has already been earmarked from previous months. Again, these monies have not been pulled and set aside for maintenance, and we weren't really sticking to our budget in the first place, so I'm not sure it counts. There are 5 days left of this month and we need to work through sticking to this budget.

Committing to a budget and working through all of the difficulties is challenging, but I already know that it is worth it. Knowing exactly how much we have gives me so much more freedom to spend on our household needs, as well as on fun. The level of improved communication, alone, is worth working through this budget for.

Struggles and Snuggles

So, we've made it to mid-August and for the first time in months, we are trying to upkeep our budget. Yes, we are struggling to steward well right now. I'm grateful that the Lord has been faithful to protect us from our own foolishness by granting wise counselors in our life who have strongly advised that we wait until we have saved a minimum of 20% down prior to searching for a home; and - having listened to enough Dave and other Ramsey personality podcasts - we have refrained from opening any credit cards. We do currently hold 2 cards beyond our debits, but they are directly tied to our debit account and we take the hit immediately without adding payments to the end of our months.

Small steps we are taking is to remedy the lack of budgeting. We are determined not to be the statistic for struggling marriages, with fights revolving around money and financial stress.

I have gone back to using cash for grocery purchases and divvying out fun monies, so that has been helpful. In addition to these, I have been diligent to planning menus and keeping our grocery bill to a minimum. I will be honest and confess that we have not been diligent in paying down our debt and this is not helpful for our big picture family goals.

Some of the big picture work is being done, though - in the little things. The kids have all been waking up with us and we start the day reading a chapter of Proverbs together. It has been such sweet time in the mornings to enjoy family cuddles and Bible reading. The girls and I are also going through the creation account in Genesis and my heart melts in their excitement as they boldly ask, "God created everything?!" each time we read the passage.

AJ is learning how to put others before herself as she is constantly wanting to be the one who chooses the show and plays with the toys her sister is already enjoying. E is learning how to speak gently when she wants something and not yell and throw a fit to get her own way. T is learning how to eat and stay on the carpet. Coincidently, these all tie into what mommy is learning as well.

I am also on a book launch team, which goes through September, for Risen Motherhood. Laura Wifler and Emily Jensen are sisters-in-law who started a podcast together a few years ago and it has grown into a non-profit ministry for moms needing the reminder of the gospel. I love it and I am so enjoying the book, which comes out September 3. It has been eye-opening, to say the least, and such godly encouragement, conviction and help through some of my wrestling through selfish thought patterns and behaviors.



PJ and I are really enjoying the Parenthood book from Tripp again. We are working through it slowly, but I like that we are taking all of the principles and talking through them and working them into the way we speak to our kids. It's truly helping us to apply these principles into parenting instead of just reading for the sake of finishing a book together. It looks like we will not finish until end of September or October at our current rate.

Made it to August

I cannot believe that it is August already and our boy is 6 months old (well, that happened 30 July)! This month, the girls are trying out dance class and had their first trial today! AJ was shy at first, but after a few minutes, she was jumping right in; E absolutely loved every minute, but we will see if we have room in our budget to commit to registration, or if we can do some toddler stuff at home and then start each one at 5 for their birthdays. Now that we have Disney passes again, it may be something that we wait for, we will see.

Last month, PJ and I went through Proverbs, I believe we only missed 1 week total, so we are going through it again. Our parenting book is also coming along great. We have been really enjoying some deep discussions on how the gospel is influencing our parenting tactics. We both are working to not depend on harsh tones, but to depend upon grace to train them. I am so grateful for PJ and his continuous desire to love and serve our family well as he seeks the Lord.

The Lord has been so faithful to me, as well. My neck spasm is beginning to heal and - as I have also been going through The Listening Life by Adam S. McHugh - I have begun to truly prioritize my time, efforts and energies. I am slowing down significantly and truly working to listen - to others, to my body, to my children, my husband, friends, and family. I highly recommend this book and feel that everyone would benefit from the last few chapters in particular!

Anyway, PJ is doing so very well at work and I am so proud of him! He is officially a 2-time winner of the Paragon Award (which means he is the top pharmacy manager in his entire district). He is such a great manager and truly cares for his team.

AJ may be growing out of nap time soon, so we are working on reading so she will be equipped for an hour of quiet time. We were hoping to enroll her for Pre-K this year, but after speaking with a friend, I think hubby and I will have to further discuss our goals for official enrollment. We are currently and will continue to work through Pre-K Curriculum with her and E, but may put off enrollment.

E is doing so well with her Pre-K assignments! It helps that she has had her big sister to look up to. She sits and colors for at least 10 minutes and enjoys doing puzzles. She is definitely the more hands on, active learner, while AJ is the audio/visual learner. I am really looking forward to making our own filed trips.

T is growing like a weed! I just put a size 4 diaper on him today and he's pretty comfortable in 9 month onesies! He has one 7 hour stretch at night, but has had some sleep regression this week due to teething and a growth spurt. He has his 2 bottom front teeth in already and is still my happy boy.

Refreshed

Recently, Jessy 's best friend came home for the summer from her job abroad and she was able to spend a family weekend with all of us. On Friday, she and Jessy went ahead to her family's beach house and had brunch, got their nails done, had a yummy dinner, and enjoyed a kid free night.

On Saturday, it was unfortunate that her friend became sick; however, it was a nice time for Jessy to reflect, read, do some yoga, stretch, walk, nap, and simply soak in God's grace in her life. Having the time away was such an incredible proof of the Lord's faithfulness.

On Saturday afternoon, PJ and the kiddos came to enjoy dinner and some beach time along with another friend. After some game time, we were able to rest and Sunday morning was super fun! We enjoyed some tasty coffee and a quick breakfast before taking the kiddos to the aquarium. We saw seals, sea lions, otters, jelly fish and learned a little something about sustainable food choices. Afterward, we enjoyed Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. for the first time and then headed home.

Right now, Jessy is currently suffering from neck muscle spams, so it has been very difficult, yet humbling, to get through the last few days. We are still struggling with nightly routines, but we are about 20% through our book we have chosen for the summer. Though that is not far, this is the most consistent we have been at reading together. I believe we are about 15 for 22 on our Proverbs reading, also, so I am proud of our baby steps.

2019 Summer Goals

We will just work through 1 month at a time, but we do have some general summer goals. This month (July) we are reading 1 chapter of Proverbs every morning together. 1/1 done! That is a win.

This evening, we will start reading our parenting book from Paul David Tripp together called, Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That will Radically Change Your Family. We started this book a couple of years ago and are really looking forward to picking it up again. Our goal is to finish by the end of the summer and then do a fall book.

We are also working toward building the habit of starting our nightly routines all together. Right now, daddy tends to do bed time with the kids, mommy stays downstairs to relax until she is too tired to practice decent sleep hygiene, and daddy snacks and relaxes once the kids are finally asleep and starts getting ready for bed while watching tech videos. We are working to have everyone together for kiddos' bed time routine and story time, getting ready for bed together and then relaxing and working on one of our family goals instead of "doing our own things."

What are some of your family summer goals?

He is Faithful

There have been many a difficult day since T arrived. Adjusting to 3 little ones is far more challenging than I thought and it takes work to take on that adjustment. Considering all of the goals and ambitions I have, it is humbling to remember the call of motherhood which the Lord has gifted me.

But Hannah did not go up, for she said to her husband, “As soon as the child is weaned, I will bring him, so that he may appear in the presence of the LORD  and dwell there forever.” Elkanah her husband said to her, “Do what seems best to   you; wait until you have weaned him; only, may the LORD establish his word.” So the woman remained and nursed her son until she weaned him.   

-1 Samuel 1:22-23

Hannah is always one of the women I return to when I want to focus on my selfish ambitions and worldly desires. Her absolute sacrifice of herself and gratitude for her son is one of the most convicting pieces of Scripture for me as I consider my own parenting.

Children are not a distraction from more important work, they are the most important work. 

-C.S. Lewis 

 In a moment of complete vulnerability and confession, I have to share that - at least once a day - I have to pep talk myself to step away from what I want to be doing (scrolling through a media feed, checking an email, doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, etc.) so that I can train my little ones up in the way they should go.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. 

-Proverbs 22:6

I understand that this is not a promise that my children will be a Christian when they grow up if I do everything right. 1. That's impossible, as it is not my superpower to change the hearts of my children and 2. The Proverbs are general words of wisdom and insight written to guide Solomon's readers, not prophecies. It is a, however, a guide to help me remember that my children will learn how to do life from me and my husband. How we speak to one another and to others is how they will learn to speak. How we address conflict is how they will learn to address conflict. How we patiently (or impatiently) walk alongside them is how they will learn to walk alongside others.

There are many hobbies, service opportunities, jobs, and projects that I want so deeply to engage in. Some of them are absolutely helpful for bringing the children along and teaching them healthy habits, ways to serve others, and opportunities to find balance. Others are not probable and need to be let go of for now, as they require time that needs to be given to the growth of my littles.

I forget that this season is a blessing, the snuggles and kisses and hugs and seeing the growth day by day. I forget that these circumstances are a privilege, being home with them, seeing every little moment, saving myself heartache on dropping them off with other caregivers who don't know every little cry and won't record every moment of laughter. These are the good old days.

We always talk about how "the grass is greener on the other side." What if the grass is just greener where it is watered? Maybe, just maybe, my grass would be greener, my family would thrive, if I took my time and practiced patience in nurturing them and devoting my efforts to teach them and serve them instead of carving out pockets of time for self-service?

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. 

-Psalm 37:4

What if the Lord has greater desires for me to pursue if I would delight in Him, His Word and His calling upon my life - surrendering my worldly passions and trading them for life to its fullest in Him?

I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 

-1John 10:10