Anticipation

I want to thank all of you for your prayers and support through this entire journey. Pregnancy has been quite the experience, especially paired with being a newlywed. I am incredibly blessed with a supportive and encouraging husband who loves me and leads me well. We have been overwhelmed with the wonderful church family God has given us and cannot imagine being anywhere else right now. Our family have been amazing through our marital transition and we are both blown away by their generosity. 

With all that being said, I am still a fleshly human being, and it has been a very difficult week as we wait to meet our little girl. PJ and I both came early, so naturally, our families assumed that I, too, would deliver early. I expected myself to be late, but deep down, I have realized I did want her to come early and I hoped to be holding her in my arms already. When my birthday came and went, when the weekend came and went, when my expected due date came and went... I was pretty disappointed.  

The hormones have been taking over my reactions and I have pretty much been at the brink of tears for the past week. I have been tryng so hard to be grateful for the extra time the Lord has given me to spend alone with my husband; to welcome the pregnancy overtime, thanking Him that we are both healthy and there have been no complications; and still working hard to become a better house-wife, finding a routine for myself that will be completely altered once AJ does arrive. 

I have challenged myself to pray through my discouragement, to smile and accept the love coming from our friends and family when they ask me the same questions, to dive deeper into the Word and distract myself until the contractions come, but it has been a difficult week. I have been filled with discouragement and impatience without allowing the Lord to soften my heart and accept that those who are asking the same questions and sending me the same messages are showing their support and wanting to be encouraging. 

Through each time I've sat down to pray, I have confessed my hardened heart and saught out His grace to give to others and the fruit of His Spirit, which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22). Last night, He answered my prayer, and it was as if He flipped a switch. 

PJ and I were reading and I realized that He is granting us more time to prepare, He is giving me people who want to love on us and bless us and do life with us, He is reminding me what we are to be characterized by and what the fellowship of His church is for. I woke up feeling so refreshed. God is so good and I am so grateful to all of you for your prayers! 

I also want to apologize if any of you have felt that I was giving you the cold shoulder or was being rude to you. Thank you for your grace and understanding. 

Love, Jessy :)